


Everything

by thelotusflower



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Pining, This IS NOT CREEK, best friends to lovers au, cryde - Freeform, if you are here for creek u should turn around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:21:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27932215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelotusflower/pseuds/thelotusflower
Summary: Clyde wonders why the Asian Girls did not pair him up with Craig. He is his BEST friend. It makes no sense.
Relationships: (NOT ENDGAME ! I REPEAT NOT ENDGAME!), Clyde Donovan/Craig Tucker, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Comments: 16
Kudos: 46





	Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jewboykahl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jewboykahl/gifts).



> HI!!!
> 
> ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT A CREEK FIC!!!!!!! DO not read if u want creek. ITS CRYDE BABY!!!!!!
> 
> Also to my lovely husband, u r my rock, my love, my life. PLEASE!!!!! MARRY ME!

x

It doesn’t make sense to Clyde.

Craig isn’t gay, and as far as Kyle explained to everyone, Asians can’t _make_ you gay.

Yet, he holds Tweek’s hand and says he is his boyfriend.

Clyde doesn’t even get it. If the Asian girls wanted to draw Craig with someone, why didn’t they pick him? He is Craig’s best friend. Not Tweek.

Yet now, contrary to before, Tweek sits with them almost _every day._

Which _also_ makes no sense to Clyde. When he dated Bebe, they sat at lunch together, at most, _once_ a week. You don’t sit with your boyfriend or girlfriend every day, and you certainly don’t hang out with them outside of school.

_Yet,_ Clyde found out, the two _do._

It’s annoying and it pisses Clyde off. He feels like Tweek is trying to steal his best friend away, and he is _more_ than eager for the two to end it.

Xx

Clyde hates Tweek.

_Okay._

He doesn’t hate him.

But he kind of does.

It is just _annoying_ because Craig doesn’t seem to care much about him anymore. Craig used to listen to him cry andshow him the attention he gives Tweek now.

Clyde doesn’t want to admit, and won’t, but he feels like Craig’s new best friend is Tweek.

When they break up during their superheroes game, it’s the _best_ news he’s ever received.

Finally, _the stupid, weird, dumb_ relationship is over.

Once again, Craig is _his_ best friend. Craig is on _his_ side. Craig likes _him_ more than he likes Tweek.

The joy is short-lived though. The _new kid_ — that fucking asshole — helps the couple reunite.

He doesn’t even _get_ why Craig would _want_ to get back together with Tweek. He _left_ him, and took Stripe with him! Stripe — Craig’s most _prized_ possession. Craig gets pissed off when someone so much _jokes_ about the guinea pig, and yet, _now_ , he is getting back together with the person who took Stripe _away?_

It’s fucked up.

Clyde would never do that to Craig.

Clyde decides he does hate Tweek.

Xxx

He sits at the lunch table with Token and Jimmy, staring at the couple at the table over who decided to sit _alone_ today — even though they are fucking with each other, so … _alone_ does not quite seem like the right word to Clyde. They do this more than once a week now.

“I don’t understand why they don’t sit with us,” Clyde says, eyes set on his best friend and blonde beside him.

Token shrugs, “I don’t know. Who cares? It’s just one lunch period. You miss them that much?”

_Them._

The word doesn’t go unnoticed by Clyde.

_Them._

It’s like Craig is not even his own _person_ anymore.

Clyde thought that after the Asian exchange students left, things would go back to normal, but yet, here they are, _a fucking year later,_ and they are still _together_.

“I just don’t get why they have to sit without us — like, are we that terrible or something?”

Clyde is nice to Tweek — nice _enough_ at least. He isn’t _mean._

_“_ T-t-they probably are j-j-just being a couple. A lot of couples s-s-s-s-it together at lunch.”

“ _Okay?”_ Clyde retorts, taking his eyes off the couple to eye Jimmy. “Well, they fucking sit together every day.”

“What’s your problem, for real?” Token asks.

Clyde returns his gaze to the two. He hates the way Craig so easily smiles next to Tweek. He doesn’t _get_ it. What’s so _great_ about him anyway?

“I just think the whole thing is weird. Like, don’t you guys ever think about how _weird_ it is? Like, the only reason they are dating is because girls who don’t even _go_ here anymore _drew_ them together. Like… what kind of relationship is that?” Clyde wonders aloud. “Like… would Craig just date _anyone_ that that drew a picture of him with someone? Like if I drew a picture with him and …,” he thinks. His immediate thought is _himself,_ but he searches for another option. “Him and… one of the guys from Stan’s group… would he just like _break up_ with Tweek, and date them? Like… it’s just fucking bizarre, dudes.”

“It’s kind of weird,” Token notes. “But what in South Park isn’t?”

And then, that’s it. Token and Jimmy transfer the conversation elsewhere, and Clyde is forced to live alone with the thought.

He wonders if he drew a picture of him and Craig together.

Would that kick Tweek out of the picture?

Xxx.

Clyde waits for the doorbell to ring. Clyde invited Craig over to play the new Call of Duty, which Clyde was gifted for his birthday.

When the doorbell rings, Clyde hops up off the couch and springs to the door, being sure to open it before his dad.

It’s a relief to see Craig _alone,_ without that _blonde attachment_ to him. He doesn’t even remember the last time he saw Craig outside-of-school without him. He just shows _up_ with him, with no fucking warning. There is no getting _rid_ of the twitchy parasite.

So, when he says, “you didn’t bring Tweek?” He believes it is well deserved.

However, it seems to go right above Craig’s head as an insult. Or maybe he just _doesn’t give a fuck,_ which is also _very_ plausible. This is something he is deeply envious of. Craig doesn’t give a _fuck._ Clyde is sensitive to almost everything, and Craig just brushes it all off his shoulders like it’s _nothing._

_“_ He’s at work.”

Clyde immediately deflates at this.

So it wasn’t a _choice_ to come alone.

His heart clenches.

He almost wishes he didn’t say anything. At least then he could pretend that maybe Craig came alone on his own accord. But no. Tweek is simply _at work._

Clyde feels _sad_ about this, _irrationally, deeply, overwhelmingly_ sad. Then, he just feels _worse_ because this is the _only_ time he gets to spend with his best friend alone, and he wastes it being _sad._

As they sit down to play the new COD, Craig immediately begins to rip on him for his Xbox, as he always does.

“I honestly don’t even know if I want to play on this stupid system.”

“It’s not stupid. It’s better.”

“You’re stupid, so of course you’d like the stupider console more.”

Clyde doesn’t know why the insult makes him feel less sad but it strangely does.

“I’m not stupid. The PS4 takes about 7 billion years to turn on if you shut it off wrong. It’s so fucking annoying. By the time it starts up at your house, I have to go home.”

Craig scoffs. “You’re such a crybaby. It doesn’t take _that_ long.”

“It wouldn’t take long at all if you just had an Xbox One.”

Craig shrugs. “I don’t mind the wait for the better everything else. Besides, I always turn it off the right way — if you just treat it how it _should_ be treated, it’s fine.”

Clyde pulls up the new COD game. He downloaded it before Craig came over, and even designed his character. He clicks online mode and waits in the lobby for a match. He hands the controller to his guest, giving him the first match. He wouldn’t do this for anyone but Craig, probably.

Craig takes the controller and leans back into the couch, completely slouching and hat on lopsided. The screen reflects over his dark brown eyes; the bottom of his lip slightly out. His long legs extend forward. Craig was always tall, but he had a big growth spurt between the end of grade school and middle school.

“If you treat it how it should be treated, then why does it always happen?”

At this point, Clyde forgets about Tweek, but the blonde quickly refreshes in his mind, as Craig says, “Tweek.”

Clyde stiffens at the words. He swears to God if it was him who did this to Craig’s PS4, Craig wouldn’t let him hear the end of it, but since it’s his sweet, stupid, boyfriend, he says nothing.

“That’s fucking annoying,” Clyde reverts his eyes to the television. The timer has started on the match now; 48 seconds until it starts.

“Mm, yeah,” Craig responds, eyes on the screen.

“Like… it’s _your_ gaming console.”

Clyde is just mad. He doesn’t even know _why_ but he _is._ Tweek doing this to console serves as the most annoying thing ever to him. Especially because Tweek has a PS4 as well! He should know the diagnostics of it. Yet, people call Clyde stupid.

“I don’t know… it’s… kind of cute. Almost. Like he is always like _fuck, I forgot,_ ” Craig just _casually fucking states._ He has not once, or ever, heard Craig say anything Tweek does is _cute._ Though, this fact sends Clyde into an inexplicable rage. He feels hot and full of lead. “And gets all apologetic…,” Craig shrugs. “I don’t know… it’s cute.”

_Why did he have to say it again?_

As if Clyde didn’t hear him the first time.

He crosses his arms over his chest and sinks further down into the cushion. “You think that’s cute?”

The match starts up. Craig’s character runs to the building. “Um, I don’t know.”

This makes him madder.

Clyde scoffs.

“It’s _annoying_ if you ask me.”

Craig continues to play as if he didn’t even hear the comment. Maybe he didn’t. But after killing someone, successfully, Craig says, “good thing I’m not asking you,” and it further fuels the rage inside him.

Clyde stays quiet alongside Craig a moment; the tapping of the controlling and sounds of a virtual war zone filling around them.

“If I did that, you wouldn’t think it’s _cute,_ ” Clyde argues.

“Um,” Craig clicks his tongue. He shoots another person in COD; the sounds of clicking and shooting in the distance worsening the tension, somehow.

“I’m just saying.”

“Well, considering that I’m not _dating_ you, I think that’s an appropriate reaction.”

This stings too. He shifts his head to look at his best friend. His eyes are focused on the screen, the controller close to his chest. His mouth is tight together. He can’t tell if he is just really focused or annoyed. Clyde doesn’t know why _he_ would be annoyed though. He is the one with the double standards.

“Yeah, well, your relationship is based on fucking Asian drawings, so…,” Clyde mumbles, eyes trailing away to the carpet.

“So?”

“So? It’s fucking weird, dude,” Clyde scoffs. “Like… why don’t you date someone you actually _like_?”

Craig dies, for the first time, and groans, slamming the back of his head against the couch. After his character reverts back to life, he quickly engages once more. He leans forward, curling over the controller and eyes locking on the screen.

“What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean what am I talking about? I’m saying why don’t you date someone you actually _like?_ Why don’t _you_ choose the person you date? It’s fucking weird.”

He looks to Craig. His eyes have sharpened even more now; his once straight line now a scowl. “You’re the one being fucking weird…,” he says. “Of course I like Tweek, dude. What the hell is your issue?” Craig doesn’t take his eyes off the screen.

Clyde looks away, feeling tears prickle his eyes. He suddenly feels very overwhelmed. He doesn’t know why this information is so upsetting, but it is. He blinks multiple times, trying to wash back the tears, but they remain. He feels it in his throat and his chest; the sinking feeling succumbing to his entire body.

He stands up.

“I’m going to take a shit.”

Craig makes a noncommittal noise to indicate he heard him, and Clyde takes long strides to the bathroom; wishing he had Craig’s long legs to get there sooner. As soon as he closes the door to the bathroom, the tears rush out.

He sucks in a deep breath, trying to compose himself, but it doesn’t quite work. The silent tears keep coming; his throat feels like it’s absolutely flooded. He finally lets out a sob; an immediate relief coming with it.

He sobs in the bathroom for some time, not even positive why he is crying, but knowing that it has something to do with Tweek replacing Clyde in Craig’s life. He just doesn’t get it, or like it. It feels so terrible and so awful; it _hurts_. He feels forgotten. He feels left out. He just wants Craig’s attention. He misses him so much, and he actually _likes_ Tweek?

He has never heard Craig say this before.

Sure, he supposes maybe it was obvious with how much time they spend together, but hearing it out loud depletes any possibility that Craig _doesn’t_ like Tweek.

He does his best to stop crying. He tells himself it doesn’t matter. Craig is still _his_ best friend, but that doesn’t seem to work. He still feels sad. He still feels angry and frustrated; still feels like he is missing out on something because of Craig’s relationship with Tweek Tweak.

He stays in the bathroom for God knows how long, and walks out with puffy, pink eyes, unable to hide them.

When he meets Craig at the couch again, the match is over; the title screen on the page again. Craig looks up to him with a slight indent to his brow. “Um… are you okay? You were in there for a while.”

Maybe Craig doesn’t notice his puffy, pink eyes. The lights are off and the only light comes from the screen within the dark basement.

He sits back down on the couch, grabbing the controller from the middle of them. “Uh. Yeah. Just a bad shit. Took like… an hour to come out. It was painful but worth it.”

Craig snickers and this provides him some relief.

“That’s fucking gross but okay.”

They play for hours, and Clyde doesn’t bring up Tweek again. Neither does Craig.

Xx

The next time Clyde cries about Craig and his boyfriend is the Eighth Grade Dance.

He watches Craig dance with his boyfriend across the gymnasium, feeling an aching feeling in his chest. All the rest of his friends discuss their plans on asking the girls to dance, but Clyde can’t take his eyes off the two. He has seen them hold hands before, and perform in other subtle, annoying, forms of PDA, but he’s never seen them like _this._

He’s never seen them so close to one another; he’s never seen that look Craig seems to have in his eyes as he looks at Tweek.

He doesn’t know why, but it’s that _look_ that sends him.

Once again, tears prickle at the corners of his eyes and he looks away.

“Hey, dude, you okay?” Token asks.

Clyde nods, even though he isn’t.

“Yeah. Just gonna go take a shit,” he steps up.

Once again though, he cries in the bathroom, thoughts of Craig Tucker on his mind.

Xx.

It only gets worse.

He begins to cry a lot more about Craig. About the couple.

He loses track.

It’s not until the start of freshman year, where he thinks he understands why.

They ride the bus to school. Tweek and Craig sit together across the aisle. Clyde sits with Jimmy. He’s not in the mood to talk, so he puts his headphones in. He puts his phone on full volume to block out the sounds of Tweek’s stupid laughter, which is so _loud and obnoxious._

Clyde turns on his Discover Weekly. He listens to a lot of pop, specifically a lot of One Direction. Although this One Direction song is unfamiliar to Clyde… It’s a song called _I wish_.

_He takes your hand, I die a little  
I watch your eyes and I'm in riddles  
Why can't you look at me like that?_

_When you walk by, I try to say it  
But then I freeze, and never do it  
My tongue gets tied, the words get trapped (Trapped)  
I hear the beat of my heart getting louder, whenever I'm near you_

_But I see you  
With him slow dancing  
Tearing me apart 'cause you don't see  
Whenever you  
Kiss him, I'm breaking,  
Oh how I wish that was me_

The lyrics seep upon him, drenching him in understanding and realization. As the song continues, he sinks further into the bus seat, eyes landing on Tweek and Craig again. Tears prickle at the corners of his eyes before he realizes what exactly he feels.

Does he _like_ Craig?  
  


Is he gay?

He knows he likes girls. Girls are fucking _hot._ The old Playboy magazines he stole from his father never fail him. He spends _way_ too much money at Raisins…

He isn’t _gay._

He likes girls.

But does he like Craig too?

Does he _love_ Craig?

He has checked him out before, but he always just thought it was mere _appreciation._ He just thought it was a _desire_ to look more like various boys. He thought his boy crush on Harry Styles was because it was impossible to not like Harry Styles!

_FUCK!_

_Xx._

At age 10, Asian Girls draw romantic pictures of him with another boy from his class.

  
At first, he rejects it. He isn’t gay, but then, it doesn’t seem so bad. Tweek is cool, and his _dad_ says it’s okay, so whatever. Tweek is the only person who could understand his confusing feelings towards the situation.

Tweek becomes his boyfriend. His confidant. He had Clyde as a best friend before. He figures they are similar.

Clyde required a lot of attention, and so does Tweek. Craig kind of _enjoys_ it. He likes taking care of things. He likes taking care of his guinea pig, and he likes taking care of these boys. He likes that they both show their emotions. He likes that they talk about it because no one in his house ever does.

Xx

Tweek is sort of high maintenance, but Craig is used to it. Clyde and Stripe prepared him for Tweek. Tweek comes into his room at 3 am, and Craig doesn’t mind it. He likes helping Tweek. He _cares_ about Tweek, and he thinks Tweek cares about him too. He thinks he might be gay.

He and Tweek grow up together.

_Xx_

For years, he loves Tweek.

He still loves Tweek, but he doesn’t know what to talk to him about. He doesn’t know what there is to say. He often feels like the most he does for Tweek is listen to him when he is upset, which he doesn’t mind. At all. He likes being there for Tweek.

But the thing is, it’s mostly the only thing they begin to talk about.

The conversations seem short.

At first, it was comfortable silence but comfortable silence slowly became complete _silence._ Most days when they hang out, they share a _few_ words max. Sometimes Tweek will just spend the whole time in Tricia’s room.

He is a sophomore now, and sophomores are supposed to care about sex, and maybe he sort of _does,_ but he and Tweek barely even _kiss._

He thinks the last time was sometime last month.

For his whole life, well, since he was 10, he’s never felt alone. He’s always had _Tweek,_ and while he still does, he feels more alone than ever.

Xx

He sits with Tweek on the bus, struggling to find something to say. He wants to bring up the new game that he got, but it’s more of a _Clyde_ than a Tweek thing. Clyde is just as obsessed with the game as he is, while Tweek found no real interest at all in it.

Sometimes he feels like Tweek is much more mature than him. He feels like Tweek cares about _adult_ things, like the Civil Justice System, Climate Change, Politics, and the growing homeless problem. It’s great that he _cares_ about these things too, maybe Craig _should_ care about these things, but most of the time he just zones out whenever Tweek rambles about it.

Today, though, Tweek doesn’t bother with ranting on about something; instead, diverts his attention to his phone. Craig should not feel _happy_ that his boyfriend chooses his phone over conversation with him, but he kind of does. He just rather go on his phone than pretend to care about things he truly has no interest in. He opens Instagram, an array of unopened memes sent from Clyde.

Most of them are really dumb, but they make him laugh anyway.

Tweek notices his laughter and asks to see, so he shows him the one he found the most humorous. When he shows it to him though, Tweek just nods and says, _nice,_ and goes back to whatever it is he is doing.

X

Near the middle of Sophomore year, Clyde dates Bebe.

They are all over each other. It makes him feel kind of _worse_ about his relationship with Tweek. They don’t even hold _hands_ anymore. He doesn’t know when they even _stopped,_ but he figures it had to be sometime between when all their conversations went dry and they stopped texting daily.

After a month and a half, Bebe breaks up with him.

Clyde comes to his house crying afterward, and Craig lets him cry in his lap, rubbing his back. Clyde has always been _very_ emotional, and he is very-not-surprised that after his first relationship, he is wildly upset. Not that Craig knows anything about the end of the first relationship besides a couple of times he and Tweek broke up when they were kids. Although he doesn’t know if those counts… especially since they got back together.

“No one is ever going to love me,” Clyde cries, words bombarded with cracks.

“Dude, it’s just… Bebe. She’s not that great.”

“You’re gay, you wouldn’t know,” Clyde lets out another sob into his lap. Craig can’t help smile at this one. He shakes his head.

“Does that make me oblivious to shitty personalities?”

“She doesn’t have a shitty personality!”

  
“Whatever. She’s a bitch. As a gay man, that’s something I _definitely k_ now about.”

Craig hears a quiet and breathy bit of laughter escape his best friend’s mouth. He sniffles, “you’re right, you would.”

Even though Clyde is _crying_ in his lap, and the circumstances are less than great, the physical connection is oddly nice. It’s been so long since anyone has touched him _this_ long. Funnily enough, Clyde is pretty much the _only_ person who touches him any more.

“It’s not just Bebe though…” he hears Clyde say, snapping him back to his thoughts. He eyes the brunette’s head in his lap. “I just feel, like, I don’t know… I just feel like I’m going to be alone forever.”

_So do I,_ is Craig’s initial, intrusive thought. He swallows it. “You’re not going to be alone forever…,” Craig says. The promise is lame. He’s shit at this stuff still, even after years of practice between Clyde and Tweek. He clears his throat, “besides, I know you’re incapable of leaving me alone, so… You’ll always have me at least.”

Clyde stirs slightly, breathing in so quickly that Craig can’t tell if he hiccups or gasps.

He sits up and shakes out his hair. Craig immediately feels a longing for the physical touch again; unsure when the next time he will have it for that long again. “Uh, yeah. You and Tweek.”

Craig twists his eyebrows at the mention of his boyfriend. It’s not the first time Clyde has randomly brought him up in times when he truly seemed irrelevant. “Um, yeah. I guess. Tweek… will be there for you too.”

“Package deal, bro — one for two deal!”

Craig nods his head.

That’s him and Tweek…

“Yup.”

Clyde nods, “it’s cool… it’s cool… it’s like I don’t even have to _be_ friends with Tweek to _be_ friends with Tweek.”

While the words don’t seem bad in themselves, it’s the _way_ Clyde says it that puts him off. He says it is tight and rigid speak. Clyde is extremely transparent with his emotions, as is Tweek.

“Do you… _not like_ him?”

“What?” Clyde barks out a dry laugh, wiping a dry tear off his cheek. “What would give you that _insane_ idea?”

Craig just stares blankly; a slight indent to his brows. It’s so obvious that Clyde is lying that it’s almost _funny_ that Clyde thinks he is anything but _extremely_ obvious. “I don’t think you’d say _insane idea_ if you liked him.”

Clyde looks adrift, clicking his tongue. “Look,” he says, inhaling. He settles on the corner of the wall, covered in spider webs. “You like Tweek, I like Tweek,” he finds Craig’s auburn eyes again.

Craig stares, a frown frozen on his lips. “So… you _don’t_ like him?”

Clyde raises his eyebrows, taken back. He fights the urge to smile. “Are you — are you saying you don’t like him?”

“What?” Craig bobs his head back with a slight shake. “No, I’m just — if you’re solely relying on _my_ opinion of him, you must not actually like him.”

Clyde’s frown returns. “I don’t know, dude. I just want you to be happy. Are you happy?”

Craig doesn’t know when the last time anyone’s asked him this. He suspects that when you are in a relationship for five years, no one cares to ask anymore how it’s doing. People used to ask all the time. He used to say good and _mean_ it.

“I mean,” he twitches his face. Guilt massively pours inside him. He’s… happy. He _loves_ Tweek. He does. He always will. “Yeah… I’m happy.”

Clyde nods, “okay,” he exhales. “Well, then… so am I.”

They watch some movie afterward, but Craig fails to retain anything from it; too focused on how _unhappy_ he is, but how _guilty_ he feels to admit that.

XX

Tweek has made new friends with the Goth Kids, and Craig doesn’t really understand _anything_ of what they say. They constantly call him a _normie_ too. The worst part about it is that Tweek seems somewhat _embarrassed_ by this as if their opinions are gospel.

Tweek defends him, says he isn’t, but it’s not like he is… saying anything nice about him.

He used to say nice things about him all the time.

He just tells them to shut up, and that’s it. He defends him and moves on.

When they kiss nowadays, it feels almost forced. It feels like they are kissing just to make sure they check it off the monthly to-do-list.

He feels like he is going through the motions.

With school not in place, he begins to notice how much time he spends with _out_ Tweek, and how _weirdly okay_ he is with it.

He spends almost every day with Clyde, either playing baseball or just sitting in the Donovan basement, playing video games.

As the summer expands, so does his happiness. He finally feels like he’s enjoying life again, and not just going through the _motions._ He feels like he is _existing_ instead of just hopping between the chapters of pages some omniscient author wrote for him. He has hopped off the page, and he dreads going back.

Things come crashing down, although, in late July.

He sits on the curb of the street. An ice cream truck passed, and they both got something from the creepy worker. Clyde said he wanted to _talk about something important,_ and that he _needed_ comfort food because the topic was _serious._

It made Craig internally laugh. Most of Clyde’s _serious_ discussions are usually a change in interest in a female or some theory he came up with about whatever TV show they were both currently into. Clyde acted like _everything_ was a big deal; everything was life-shattering knowledge.

So, it is a complete _shock_ when Clyde says something that is a big deal.

“I think I might be Bi.”

Craig sits with the words a moment, licking his drumstick. He scratches his neck, feeling the sticky sweat from the hot day in South Park.

It’s not the first time someone has come out to him.

Kenny gathered both him and Tweek in seventh grade and said, _guess what, bitches, I’m gay too! Well… bi, you get the point._

_Then,_ Butters came out to him in ninth grade, and recently, fucking _Stan Marsh,_ asked him “ _what does it feel like to be gay?”_ Which, if you ask Craig if you’re wondering, you are probably gay, or bi, or whatever.

This feels oddly different though… Clyde is his best friend and means a lot more than those other people to him.

“Why do you think that?” He asks, taking a bite of his ice cream.

A car passes.

“I guess… I like a boy?”

For some inexplicable reason, his heart stops.

“Oh… who?”

_“Uh._ I don’t want to tell you… that part.”

“You tell me who you’re bi, but you won’t tell me who you _like?”_ Craig turns to face him, but when he _does,_ he sees the deep sadness in his best friend’s brown eyes, and everything sort of _slows._ He kind of feels _ill_ almost.

He licks his lips, looking at the cement.

Everything feels heavy all of a sudden. He almost feels like _crying._ His whole body feels like it’s being suffocated by wet cement. He feels like he is going to feel this way forever if he doesn’t get out now too; he feels like he’s just forever be locked here.

A long time passes between them before either speak.

Craig sucks in a deep breath. He feels like he is _cheating_ almost as he asks, “how long have you liked him?”

Another car passes.

Then another.

“A really… _long_ time.”

Craig inhales through his mouth at this news. He thought he was going to say the summer or something, but Clyde speaks him hyperboles, so maybe… that means the summer. For clarification, Craig asks, “what does that mean?”

Then he hears a sob.

He finally looks up and sees that Clyde has begun to cry into his hands. Clyde stands up and says, _fuck, Craig, I’m sorry,_ before running away. Craig tries to stop him with a plea to stay, promising it’s _fine,_ but the boy just keeps going. Craig is not even sure he _heard him._

Craig sits back down on the curb; the world feeling like it all lays on his shoulders. He feels sick. He feels like he is going to _throw up._

He definitely didn’t feel this way when others came out to him.

Xxx

For the next couple of weeks, he doesn’t see Clyde.

He texts him and says it’s fine, they can still be best friends, but Clyde just says he needs some space.

  
It makes him sick.

In addition to his sickness, loneliness has possessed him again.

He also hasn’t told Tweek about what Clyde said; too paranoid that Tweek will freak out about it, and not want him to hang out with Clyde anymore.

In an attempt to ease his loneliness, he even goes to Tweak Bros. one day to sit there while Tweek works. He used to come here all the time when they were kids and do this as Tweek worked. They had loads of fun. Tweek made him disgusting drinks and he sampled them all, deciding which was best.

Tweek just works on his latte art now or talks to his goth friends.

He does not _totally_ neglect him though.

Tweek is a good boyfriend.

This is why it all sucks so much. He wishes so badly to be happy with Tweek, but things have changed between them.

  
Tweek brings him over a flavored iced tea and sets it before him.

“Mango,” Tweek says as he sits down.  
  


“Cool. My favorite.”

“Yep,” Tweek answers with a polite smile.

“It’s the best. Thanks, babe.” He supposes that’s the only thing they have left — the pet names. But he thinks it’s only because it feels more like a nickname than anything, less than a romantic term of endearment.

“Sure… are you okay?”

“Huh?” He darts his eyes at Tweek.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Tweek squints his eyes. “You seem… really sad.”

Craig looks down at the iced tea and swirls his straw. He feels sad for a multitude of reasons; some of those reasons even contradicting each other.

He feels sad because he isn’t happy with Tweek.

  
He feels sad because he misses Clyde.

  
He feels sad because Clyde likes him.

He feels sad that he is in a relationship _and … maybe if he wasn’t…_

Craig takes a sip of the iced tea. “I’m fine,” he promises, again.

Tweek purses his lips to the side but nods, and lets it go, going back to work.

He watches him, wondering how it is he can be so unhappy but not want to break up?

XX

Sometime at the beginning of August, Clyde sends him a meme.

It’s the first meme he’s sent him since the night on the curb, and it’s downright _awful._

**_CRAIG:_ ** _terrible dude_

**_CLYDE:_ ** _it’s funny_

**_CRAIG:_ ** _it’s not_

**_CLYDE:_ ** _takes one to know one_

**_CRAIG:_ ** _that doesn’t even make sense_

It makes no sense that these texts with Clyde make his heart race further than anything his boyfriend has done in the last month in person. These texts are not even _flirtatious (_ not that anything Tweek did was flirtatious either). These texts are just _normal_ conversation between the two, yet, Craig feels something he has not felt in a _very_ long time.

**_CLYDE:_ ** _u just don’t understand meme culture_

**_CLYDE:_ ** _and ur unwilling to learn_

Craig’s stomach does a flip. He sinks further into his pillow, scooting down more onto his bed. He types up _I’m willing_ but then changes it, afraid that comes off flirty. Why is he worried about that? It’s not, but… god.

**_CRAIG:_ ** _ur unwilling to learn everything else_

**_CLYDE:_ ** _fucking rude, you’re unwilling to learn how to to be nice_

Craig swallows at the message.

He thinks over the next one.

He wonders if he should send it or not, but eventually, decides to.

**_CRAIG:_ ** _why do you like me? I’m just mean to you all the time_

Craig waits for a response, staring at the text bubble that keeps going and going. For how long Clyde types, all he gets back is:

**_CLYDE:_ ** _u tell me_

Craig sucks in a huge breath at this and closes out the application, setting his phone down.

He feels like crying.

He does.

Xxx

He comes to the conclusion he likes Clyde and has to tell Tweek two weeks before school starts.

He asks him to hangout which is _weird_ because usually they just hangout on Thursday’s, their deemed _hang out_ day; meaning no matter what, they would hang out every Thursday of the summer.

That fell through multiple times though. They probably missed at least 4 Thursdays; both of their own doing.

Now, today is a Monday, and certainly not their designated hang out day. Tweek says yes though.

They go to Stark’s Pond because he doesn’t want to have this conversation with Tweek at one of their houses, and he knows Stark’s Pond brings privacy.

Tweek tells him about some annoying thing his dad did as they walk to the pond. Craig listens, or tries to, but just keeps thinking about what he has to tell him.

Once they get there, they sit on one of the benches, and Craig watches the ducks.

“So… what is this about?”

“Huh?” Craig asks.

“What is this about? Why did you ask me to hangout?”

“Does… there have to be a reason?”

“Come on, Craig, just spit it out. When is the last time we hung out on a Monday?”

Craig swallows. “School had a lot of those… that wasn’t _that_ long ago.”

“Craig.”

“Fine,” he swallows. “Uh,” Craig mumbles. He should just… _say it._ “A while ago Clyde told me he was bi, and he pretty much… told me he liked me.”

He doesn’t look at Tweek. He can’t until he gets it all out. Maybe he won’t even be able to _after._ “And… then I don’t know. He stopped talking to me for awhile, and…, fuck. Tweek, I’m sorry,” Craig puts his head into his hands.

“Craig? What? What… did you like cheat on me or something?”

He shakes his head. “No. No… I just… I think I like him.”

He is a coward. He still can’t look at the blonde.

Then, he hears a laugh; a genuine, happy laugh. Craig furrows his brows together and faces the blond next to him. He laughs still, shaking his head.

“What? Why are you laughing?”

“It’s just a relief.” He sucks in a breath, and his lips mold into a frown. “I think I like someone else too…”

Craig’s eyes bulge. He was _not_ expecting Tweek to say _that._ “What?” He questions, unsure if he heard him right.

Tweek smacks his lips together, placing his hands over his knees. “I think … I think I like Pete.”

“That tall one?”

“No, the guy with pink hair,”

“Oh,” Craig nods, staring back to the ducks.

It’s weird to hear that your boyfriend likes someone else. It’s even _weirder_ that it makes you _happy._ “I’m really unhappy Tweek.”

“Me too.”

“And it’s not _you,_ or anything about you, I — I love you still, I just…,” he swallows. “More like _family,_ I guess?”

“Me too,” Tweek says.

Craig swallows and turns to Tweek. The male holds a half-smile. Craig offers one back.

“Love is weird,” Craig says.

“Yeah… it is.”

He and Tweek break up at Stark’s pond, ending their six, almost seven, year relationship. Craig feels… _sad,_ but he more so feels _excited._

Xx

The next day, he walks to Clyde’s. He figures if he asks him to hang out over text, Clyde would probably just ignore him as he has all the other times he has asked him to hangout the second half of the summer.

He also knows Clyde’s dad is at work because it’s a Tuesday before 5 pm, so Clyde will be the one to answer the door; forced to see him.

When the door opens, Clyde’s jaw hangs open. “Uhhhh,” Clyde blinks a couple times. “Hey, dude.”

“You gonna invite me in?”

“Sure,” Clyde moves out of the way for Craig to step inside. Clyde shuts the door and turns to Craig. “Uh, what are you doing here, dude?”

Craig bites his lip, “Tweek and I broke up.”

Clyde raises his eyebrows, eyes gaping. “Wait,” he shakes his head slightly, “what?”

“Tweek and I broke up.”

“Oh… shit,” Clyde exhales, looking to the ground, once again, shaking his head in microscopic movements. “Shit… that’s… awful,” Clyde says, but there is a very apparent smile on his face. He cannot hide it, even when ducking his head down.

A smile tugs out onto Craig’s lips as he says, “then why are you smiling?”

Clyde swallows and goes bright red as he shoots his eyes up to the question. “I’m not…,” he lies, laughing now.

“Clyde, I’m not fucking blind,” Craig argues. He feels his stomach turn at his words. “I literally _see_ you smiling.”

“Well, you’re smiling too!” Clyde argues. “Shouldn’t _you_ be sad?”

Craig closes his mouth; pressing it into a straight line. He stares into his chestnut eyes and opens his mouth to speak, clueless on what is going to come out. “I don’t know,” he breathes out in a slight puff of laughter. “Probably? Maybe I’m… actually a sociopath.:”

“Nah, I think you’re just an asshole,”

Craig swallows.

He breathes in, moving his tongue over his front teeth. Clyde does not look away.

He’s always _known_ Clyde was attractive. He has light brown eyes, perfect bone structure, and pouty lips. Not to mention the growth spurt he had in the middle of ninth grade, putting two inches on him. While Craig was the first one to _gain height,_ he also seemed to be the first one who to _stop,_ halting at 5’11.

Clyde also plays football and is a _goofy, lovable_ jock with the kindest face anyone’s ever seen. Or maybe he just thinks that because he _knows_ how kind Clyde _is._ He is the human embodiment of a puppy.

“But you like me?” Craig breathes in, taking a daring step forward.

Clyde scoffs at this, looking away and grinning. His cheeks burn pink. He licks his lips, “ah, no, dude…,” he puffs out a laugh, and returns his gaze to Craig, “I _love_ you.”

Craig stares at a moment, shocked by the words.

Unable to communicate his feelings with words, he steps forward, and traps Clyde’s bottom lip between his own; the feeling sending a million currents through him. He thought he was _broken._ He thought all the butterflies inside him died, but they are fully _alive;_ they are multiplying and growing. They were just hibernating.

Clyde immediately responds, kissing him back and pulling him by the waist. Craig grins against his best friend’s mouth; his best friend doing the same. It’s been so long since he’s had a kiss like this… so long since he’s _felt_ his head spin.

Craig pulls away, staring at the brunette in front of him. He pushes his hands through the brunettes hair, and immediately, Clyde says, “hey, fuck, don’t mess up my hair, I spent like an hour on that.”

Craig chuckles. “Jesus. You really are gay.”

“Bi,” Clyde corrects. “Also… _does_ that really make me gayer than saying I love you, without a no homo, and kissing you, also without a no homo?”

“In what situation would you _kiss_ someone and say no homo?”

Clyde bobs his head from side to side, “it happens.”

“Sure it does.”

“It does, dude,”

“Whatever… I love you too. Homo.”

Clyde grins wide, and laughs, “everything you do is homo, no need to say it.”

Craig fights a smile as he leans forward again to capture Clyde’s lips, pulling him closer to him.

“Was it the memes?” Clyde mentions between kisses.

“No,” Craig says.

“It was the memes,” Clyde mumbles with a smirk, kissing Craig again.

In truth, he thinks it’s everything. He thinks it’s just _Clyde._ It’s his energy. It’s his optimism for the world. It’s his goofiness and warmth. It’s his ability to take whatever Craig throws at him. It’s his smile. It’s his presence. It’s his _everything._


End file.
